Author: J.Mar

I was born and raised in Kern County in an unincorporated area of Kern, CA. My parents moved there in the 90s to make a living as farm workers. Watching them barter their bodies, homelands, and family for a chance at the “American Dream” has caused me to reflect. My writing here is largely the unceremonious unpacking and repacking of what was won and lost in this exchange. My version of the dream consists of completing a PhD in Public Policy. I currently study public finance, public participation, and remittances in Mexico. I am also generally interested in the Latinx public finance experience. I’ve learned to be cautiously optimistic about the future. Lastly, I love plants and cleaning is a freeing ritual to me.

Dear Kern County

Dear Kern County
I love you so dear
You raised me
But you haunt me with your truth
Living here means living in the belly of the beast
Exploitative labor systems brought warmth to my home
Leaders did the minimum and received awards
I must admit, I thought they saw our side
They must see our parents whither in packing factories and fields
They must see our siblings criminalized for existing
They must see our hearts
In this majority Latinx community, you gain a familiar complexion
I looked many times in the mirror and saw myself in the reflection
But the lies that blame us for our misfortune make us hate ourselves
In the mirror, we become the target of each other’s brown and black skin
You’re illegal
You didn’t do it right
You’re lazy
You stagnate in the fields
You dropped out
It’s your fault for not learning English
It’s your fault for not having enough resources and motivation
You can’t buy a home
You can’t pay your rent
You can’t get out of debt
It’s your fault for not managing your money out of poverty
At the end what they mean
It’s our fault for being black and brown and thinking one day our white proximity would save us
It’s our fault
It’s our fault
It’s our fault
We take their jobs
We take their poverty
We take their misery
We take
We take
We take
Only they can make
Make America great
Make a citizen
Make a leader
Make intergenerational wealth
Make a crime without consequence
Make racism proud
Make us hate ourselves
I always had mistrust in the system
But even inside the belly of the beast
Here in KC
It is still a large pill swallow
When they don’t teach you about Chavez and Dolores even though the labor movement grew in this very soil
And instead, replace stories with an individualistic work ethic
You vs me
Us vs them
This beautiful community is erased to none
And that’s how they make their power
They take ours