An ode to my older sister
We don’t always see eye to eye
But dam I do miss her
Isn’t it weird how time doesn’t make blood fizzle
She’s always been, my teacher
When we were young she would teach me math and tell me riddles
As an adult, she taught me not to be so prejudicial
But our relationship became brittle
I tried to look beyond, but I was too artificial
Growing up, her loyalty ran deep
Her superpower was to change her smile in a heartbeat
I never had to worry about people bullying me
She brawled out at any sight of tease
But I couldn’t break through her wall, she was always difficult to appease
I never understood the emanation of her temper sprees
Then I realized her rage was not unique
She came from stone where she had to withstand constant critique
Her relation with mom was misunderstood and they gave up on the upkeep
Alone navigating new lands, racism, machismo, and sexual harassment
Her attitude was solely her survival technique
Having brothers didn’t help her any, each man on their own to succeed
What is she wearing, she talks funny, where is she’s from, did she jump the creek?
Don’t say that to her face, shes a fighter not a lover and doesn’t play hide and seek
We were poor and with no one to look out for her, there was no time or money for her to be French chic
Growing up in the 90s alone for her, it was not a dream or some retro story you read on Newsweek
It was a constant struggle and she relied on not appearing weak
She was solely reacting to the rural 90s code of the street
Stealing my brothers oversized t-shirts to match the chola style-clothing, but also to hide her physique
Gangsta rap and Selena woven in to make her sleep
Brown lipliner, hoop earrings, and aqua net when she creeped
This shaped her well beyond her youth, her love forever shaped offbeat
So the moral of the story is dig through your own reinforced concrete and understand those moments of bittersweet
We’ve all created walls to cope and not feel defeat
J.Mar
JMar 